In The Grand Plan I Trust

I am so tired from today, but I have to write this little journal of mine.

I just arrived from Milan. It has been an amazing two days with Alex, but that story shall be elaborated later.

But let me tell you about last week. Last week has been a crazy week. Seriously. I have classes straight from 8 am to 6 pm. The class was about Dispute Settlement in the WTO. It was important for me to be part of that class because I am researching on the relevant of WTO and I needed this class to understand more about the dynamic of this organisation. Apart from that, my supervisor is the one that taught this class, and I want to get to know him better. One of these days, I will write the story about my long lunch with my supervisor. It was one of greatest 45 minutes conversation I ever had.

It was one of greatest 45 minutes conversation I ever had in my life.

But I was legit exhausted. When I came home every day, I usually just have my meal really quick and immediately went to bed. I felt like I have failed some of my friends that wrote to me about their bad day on WhatsApp. Time difference doesn’t help too. I want to be there to everyone, but sometimes I am just really too damn tired.

This is how I felt every day last week


I hope I still have friends when I am back to Malaysia.

Maybe if I am not too occupied with my research, I can write down about what the classes were about in the next few posts.

The Handsome Chap on My Photos

Some of you might have seen the photo of a very handsome man with me this week. His name is A. We met in Bangkok. Nothing really special, to be honest. Just two people met at the bar and decided to keep in touch. It was classic. When I met him, I just noticed on how handsome he is actually. But when I get to know him this weekends, I realised he is more than just another pretty face. He is also a kind-hearted, lurus bendul, with no sense of direction but extremely cute. He is also funny and loving.

When I said he don’t have a sense of directions, I am actually very serious. If I let that man wander by himself, I think he will end up in China.

Last night, as we walked to the dinner, he asked me:

“But Maria, I don’t know what are we actually.”

I told him we are what we want us to be. I am so done putting labels in whatever I do with another person. I can’t do that anymore. Especially now that I just move to another country, I need to find my rhythm, and I need to get my PhD works done. Seriously. More than that, I want to be really careful with my heart. This kind of question sends shivers to my spine. I don’t like it. I have enough heartbreak in my life that I have learned to not have any expectation, respecting boundaries and to take my own sweet time. I am no longer in hurry to put labels in anything.


To be really honest here, I am very scared.

After the failure of my last relationship, I have learned to be cautious. Which is to me it’s a great improvement.

I also have learned to trust the universe, God and all the plans it has for me. I mean who would have guessed that after I had met him in Bangkok, we ended up spending time together in Milan? This is possible because this has been in the universe plan. So, in that big grand plan, I trust.

So when he asked me again, “What do you think we are, Maria?”

This is my answer:

“We are a very special friend, darling”


Let’s live our life the way we want it to be. I have shit to do, bunch of other plans and so are you. If the universe shall bring him back to me, it will be.

If not, then it’s okay too.

But either way, I am just happy I get to know someone as cool as him.


Time to bed.



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