My family left me here alone: Day Two.
I was actually quite sad yesterday when it dawned on me that I have literally started a new chapter in my life – right now. The next four years will be an interesting journey but let me tell you something, it won’t be an easy one. Being here all by myself somehow reminds me that I am all I got. I know I have people that love me back home, but for this moment, I am all alone.
But then again, we can feel alone everywhere. Sometimes, the worst part is to feel alone in the crowd. It’s not like when I was in KL, I don’t feel really, really alone sometimes.
The lucky part is that – I like solitary. I actually like my own company a lot. That’s why I am perfectly capable of travelling alone. Once I travelled to Italy by myself for three weeks. I am completely happy that way.
So instead of feeling sad about it – I have decided to savour every moment.
I want to quote what Auntie Ijat told me the other day in one of her Instagram’s comment on one of my post – which somehow manages to keep me strong:
“So happy you are taking this new journey in your life. Somehow I feel it’s going to be great and fun. Enjoy every moment. Both the pain and the beauty. You are blessed in many ways. Even in love. Because you are always surrounded by people, who loves you. Including my family and me. The big, big love will come, insya Allah. Perhaps not in the way you want but you will be happy and contented. So continue to discover the world with love and curiosity. But come back when you must. Allah blesses and protects you always. Get your doctorate and seize every moment in the meantime. Remember that you can’t put times in chains. Someday soon you will remember this phase in your life with fondness and affection. And yes. Your love will come. Enjoy the journey now.”
I cannot dwell on being sad. Of course, I miss my old routines in KL. I miss a lot of people. But then again, I also realised that I choose this path and not so many people lucky enough to experience what I am experiencing right now. Like seriously.
In case you guys didn’t notice, this is me giving a pep talk to myself.
I need to be strong at least this weekends where I won’t be going out – at all. I need to fucking read all these articles and make sure I look like a smart person when I meet my supervisor for the first time. Yikes!)
Here’s a little story:
When I sent my family to the airport the other day, someone joined us too. Some of you probably saw his photo on my Instagram account. His name is Simeon. He is a German’s pilot based in I don’t know where. Somewhere in Germany. Two years ago, he travelled all the way to KL from Germany to see me.
Two years ago, he travelled all the way to KL from Germany to see me and ended up went to a holiday in Langkawi with my entire family. They love him. My mother loves him. He is such a decent guy. He came from an accomplished family of Academia (his father is a very renowned professor in Germany). He has very accomplished resume himself. I like him a lot too. Really sweet. Really know how to take care of a girl.
The last time we met was in March 2015. Almost two years ago in Zurich, after I came back from Ukraine. We spent sometimes together and at that point after a few rendezvous and few weeks of seeing one another, we discussed if a relationship is something for both of us at that moment.
We both decided it wasn’t right.
He is a private jet pilot that flew more than 340 days a year with no break and I am an ambitious girl that want to do and want to achieve a bunch of things in my life. Like two adults, we unanimously decided that the idea of long distance relationship with his kind of job will only be torturous for both of us. So we parted ways nicely. I remember him so fondly in my heart. Occasionally over the years we talked on the phone or chat on Whatsapp once in a while.
When it comes to his knowledge that I moved to Switzerland, two days ago, we met again, after two years of separation. Nothing much has changed with him except I think he lost some weight. But still as handsome as I remember. We sent my family off to board the plane and decided it’s time for us to catch up. We went to the city of Zurich together. Went to some bars with live music and a little bit of cute dancing.
As much as I love spending my time with him (which I do, he is really loving), a relationship is still out of the equation. We both can’t do that right now. I just move to this side of the world, and I need to stay curious about my surrounding and he still a workaholic with people like Brad Pitt being among his friends. To me, it’s completely okay. After my last (failed) relationship, I have learned a lot when it comes to a relationship. I am much kinder, and I no longer want to rush things. I prefer to take my time.
I told my mother the other day, “I am completely happy being single at this moment. I am enjoying my time. Besides, I also have become a little choosy on whom I shall let into my life. If it didn’t add any value – I don’t see why I should be with them.”
Simeon is an amazingly kind person. I am so happy that I have someone like him in my life. Being 5 years older than me, his favourite thing is to cup my face in both of his hands and called me, “My sweet little girl” and I actually really love that. I want to be his sweet little girl forever. Even if we are not together.
Some people just have that kind of relationship in life you know.
And knowing me,I will keep my heart and my mind open for any possibilities.