For those of you who have been following my blog for a while and now following me on this new journey, I am about to embark soon, Welcome to 2017 and welcome to the new chapter of my life.
It is almost hard to believe that I am leaving in about 11 days. Almost surreal to actually to digest that. 4 (or more) years is not a short time, and to think that I am leaving behind everything that I have built, felt heavy in my heart. I keep looking back and wonder if this is a right decision.
But then I realised, life is not about looking back. It’s about moving forward.
I might be going to do my Doctorate. That is one of the reason. Another reason is I started to feel stuck. I started to feel that there are more in the world out there than what I am doing here. I need a new perspective. Fresh starts. And possibly new outlook in life.
It’s not easy to make this decision. It took me months and months of planning and juggling with options. At the age of 33, most women are married with kids and starting a family with full stability. They are not moving to the other side of the world all alone by themselves. Leaving everything they know behind.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depends on how you look at it) that story was not written for me. And that is Okay.
I think life is about making your own rules anyway. You know what is right for you. I know what is right for me. Maybe I am making a mistake here. Maybe this journey won’t be as exciting as I wish for. But at least I will never know that unless I try. I will never know that until I embark on the journey itself.
I am scared.
Of course, I am scared. I will be lying through my teeth if I am telling all of you that I am not scared. But in the same, I know from the deepest of my heart this is the right thing to do. I am not scared of mistakes.
I am scared of:
Apart from that, I am much calmer now than I was many years ago. When I want everything to go my way, and I want everything to go my directions. I have come to a complete understanding that:
Don’t get me wrong. I still have things I want to achieve. Places that I want to go and see. Maybe one day, I would love to meet the love of life. The person I will spend to love for the rest of my life. Maybe I want to have the children of my own someday. I have a lot of dreams. But in the same thing I know if things do not come my way, that was because it is not meant to be for me. There are better things in life.
I am less disappointed that way. Maybe it is called a coping mechanism. But at least I am no longer stressing out over a small thing.
I will try to update as much as possible in the coming time. Stay tune for more (probably) juicy stories.
Much love. x